A few weekends ago, I had my 12 year old boy slumped down in the backseat of my Xterra, shirt pulled up over his head. It gave me an idea. Today’s top 10 is 10 ways to embarrass a 12 year old boy.
10. Wear the same clothes you had when you were his age.
9. Put a water balloon in your front pocket, keep a pin in your hand. When his friends come to the door, act really nervous, almost speechless then put your hand your pocket, with the pin, then pop the balloon. Then look down at your crotch in amazement, burst out into tears and yell your wifes name. Then say “Noo – daddy scared, did wee wee’s again!!”
8. At the stop light, look around to see if you’ve pulled up to any girls around his age. If you have, honk the horn to draw their attention, then shove your finger up your nostril. GO DEEP! you have to make it look convincing.
7. This one takes some preparation. Make a large lunch bag, then write his name in large letters on it. When you take him to school, let him get out, head toward the front door. Then after a few seconds, jump out of the car, with the bag and yell… “ZACHARY!! ZACHARY!! YOU FORGOT YOUR LUNCH! MOM WAS SURE TO PUT SOME EXTRA PRUNES TO HELP YOUR CONSTIPATION, AND WE HAVE THE OINTMENT FOR THAT RASH! IT’S IN THE BAG!”
6. If you’re in the mall, keep your zipper down, but a long shirt over the open zipper. When some kids his age walk by, Pull your shirt up, look down and exclaim ‘WHOA HO HO, the gate is open but the beast is asleep, eh son??!!” Then zip up your zipper.
5. Before you drop him off at a party, smear tons of Ben Gay on your body. Then, when dropping him off, walk him to the door and introduce yourself to all of his friends. If anyone asks why you smell like Ben Gay, just say something like, “Oh I strained myself teaching Zachary how to Polka last night. He’s quite talented, you know.”
4. I recently put a subwoofer in my Xterra. Last saturday, I pumped up Weird Al’s “White and Nerdy”, slumped down in my seat, put my baseball hat on crooked and opened all the car windows, then drove slowly down Main Street during a busy time of day. That is why he was covering himself with a shirt.
3. Sneak a Hannah Montana sticker onto his backpack while he’s getting out of the car to get to school.
2. Steal his phone, then text all of his friends. Tell the girls that you know that he’s a handsome boy, but he’s not available for dating until he’s 16. Text yet others that Zachary had his phone taken away and that you are currently beating him for misbehaving.
1. Number one way to embarrass your 12 year old? Just be yourself. Works every time.
June 2, 2009 at 4:48 pm
I’ve actually done a few of these.
June 1, 2009 at 9:14 pm
Brett…genius…pure genius! I was cracking up throughout the entire list!