A massive data loss

I woke up with a sense of supressed anxiety. I knew it was there, but just couldn’t bring it to the forefront of my mind. I knew that today was going to be the defining day as to whether or not we will get back into production or if we will have to start over in prepress. So, like any wise human, I just ignored it. 

Now I’m here, sitting, waiting, listening to the hum of the air-conditioning try to harmonize with the soft whisper of the computers, struggling to figure out the next step. Wait for the IT guys for another day, give them one more chance, or should we just say “forget it, we start fresh, damn the costs.” 

This reminds me of a breakdown I had in the late 90’s. My whole life’s plan had come crashing down in a single evening. I woke up and everything I had spent the previous 2 years working on was gone. I was depressed both clinically, and emotionally. I tried to hold myself together with the glue of denial, but to no avail. One day, I broke down on the floor, cried and said “what the fuck is wrong with me??”

It fell apart. I let it fall apart. That one simple question undid years and years of facade building. What was wrong with me? I had to find out and get it right. So I’ve been on this quest for years and have found many, many valuable lessons. I’m not the same, and have come to my own sense of peace.

I learned to let it go, say ‘forget it, we start fresh, damn the costs.’ and that has made the biggest difference in my life. It changed everything.