Approval?

Does it matter that anyone thinks I’m important? Would it really matter that my peers approve of me? What does the approval of others mean? Why do we chase it? Approval must be complete illusion and totally centered on our own ego.

Growing up, I was a pretty straight guy. One of those skater types. At least that was my social label. Never promiscuous, never did drugs, never drank alchohol. To this day, I can’t tell you what a beer tastes like. (I did drink once in my life, but that is a different and embarassing story). The ’status quo’ kids would always tell me I was stupid, lame, dork, loser blah blah blah because my circle of friends didn’t participate in that sort of thing. No approval from them.

On the other hand, the one time I did drink, the times when I have tried to be more of the ’status quo’ or held a mainstream point of view, I had sold out. No approval there.

If I turn to my left, I hit a wall. If I turn to the right, I hit a wall. If I keep a deliberate focused view of what is straight ahead without the distraction of the people on the sidelines try to advertise their point of view, I tend to be very much at peace.

Am I important? Of course not. Yes, some people find value in my character, but it doesn’t matter. 

If anyone has ever found offense in what I’ve said, they chose to find importance in my opinions. If they have found any good, they only saw what they already knew to be valuable. It’s like I don’t even exist to myself anymore. Like I’m some sort of embodiment of something else. “Me” is giving way to “I” finally.