Goodbye Aunt Rae

When I heard of your death, I was shocked, yet unsurprised. Maybe it was just the blunt announcement from the voice in the phone that made it so shocking. I can’t say I felt any immediate grief over your passing. I greived more watching your last 2 years of mortality. Being encapsulated in a casket of flesh. Unable to speak, move or think. Your soul and mind were masked by the symptoms of your disease.

 

What started out as being a christmas miracle really ended up a 2 year hell that seemed to take you step by step down a lonely path. One that went deeper and deeper into oblivion.  As the years went by your mind must have become more and more disorganized. I imagine you saw life as a patchwork of memories blended with the present moment, being unable to discern which was which. A short flash here, a burst of memory there… the familiar face that you couldn’t place with it’s forgotten identity. 

 

I’m glad I had the chance a month or so earlier to hold your hand and apologize for not being there more. Even though you didn’t know me anymore, I was glad to finally get to show you my youngest child, and at least try to let you know that I loved you as my aunt. 

 

Now, I feel as if you are finally able to move forward again. No longer hindered by the flesh that held you prisoner for too long. I imagine you being taken through to a larger view of the universe, grateful for your life, as well as being painfully aware of your mistakes during it. 

 

As many have said, it was for the best. I suppose they are right, however it never set right with me that so many people seemed relieved when you passed. Relief was yours and yours alone to win. You passed the trial. I’m disappointed that those closest to you didn’t seem to mourn the loss. Maybe I”m just selfish or too attached to mortality and they have the greater understanding.

 

Until we meet again, Aunt Rae… I will think of you often and remember you as a laughing, smiling person. A person that enjoyed life, and in the last years of your life, was a sister to my mother. I won’t forget the two of you laughing until you could barely stand up. It is one of my fondest memories of my mother. Seeing her enjoy the company of her only sister.