Self Evaluation

To feel clean one time again, new and fresh. 

Yet every malicious word, deed and intent comes back to remind me of what I am. I have changed. Yet I’m only as good of a person as my worst deed. I’m only as kind as the worst thing I’ve said to another. I can only heal someone as much as I’ve hurt them. I can only be forgiven by others as much as they can forget. But they will never forget. Neither will I.

No matter what good I’ve done in my life, I’ll only be judged by my wrongs. 

The past always comes screeching back late at night. My life flashes before my eyes in rapidity. It’s like a hammer. Then by the grace of fatigue I slip into unconsciousness for another fleeting, taunting night of sleep. I wake up more exhausted than when I was first overcome by it. As late evening sinks into deeper darkness I’ll follow it down until there is nothing else but a stark feeling consisting of nothing more than me and myself, reviewing my life.